


A Vampire's Best Friend

by snowkatze



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Dogs, Domestic Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Pets, Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-12-17 11:51:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11850999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowkatze/pseuds/snowkatze
Summary: Simon and Baz get a dog, but there are complications.





	A Vampire's Best Friend

**Author's Note:**

> To anyone who's sad, and to anyone who likes Simon and Baz and dogs :)

In the middle of the night, Snow nudges me awake.

“Baz,” he whispers. “Are monsters real?”  
“What the fuck are you talking about?”  
I look at him like he's being especially idiotic.

“Of course they're real.”

“I don't mean like goblins and stuff...”  
_Or vampires,_ I add in my head.

“I meant like... um... don't laugh, okay?”  
“I can't promise that.”

“Is there such a thing as... the monster under the bed?”  
For a second I just stare at him, trying to figure out whether he's taking the piss or actually serious about this. Then I burst out laughing.

“Wait,” he says alerted and grabs my arm. “There it was again.”  
“What?”  
“Is that you, Baz?”  
“What the fuck?”  
“I'm freaking out a bit. Something is nibbling my toe. I can hear it breathing, I think.”  
“Snow.”

“Can you bite it?”  
“I know it's late, but... You can't tell me that you forgot.”

“Forgot what?”

“We got a dog. Yesterday.”  
“Of course I haven't – Oh.”

“Right. You're an idiot, Snow.”  
I turn on the lights and there she sits, tongue sticking out of her mouth and wagging her tail.  
“She looks incredibly monstrous, Snow,” I huff sarcastically, and a bit tiredly, “I can see where you're coming from.”  
“Stop mocking me,” Snow says, but is already distracted and starts petting her. Great. I can't believe I'm going to have to fight for Snow's attention with _a fucking dog_ now.

I'm still not entirely sure what to think of her.

“Are you sure you're okay?” Simon had asked.

“Why wouldn't I be?””  
“You know, because werewolves and all? She's related to them, that means she's basically your enemy.”  
I had been tempted to brush him off with a simple “fuck you”, but instead I answered: “Well, I seem to have a thing for my enemies,” and looked at him tenderly, only further proof that I've become way too soft.

“I don't know how often I have to keep telling you this, but this is not Twilight, Snow. And if anything, she's the g-rated version of a werewolf. I could get rid of her easily if I wanted to.”

“Baz!”  
“Which I don't, obviously. Yet.”  
She's a beautiful Golden Retriever with fluffy long fur and warm brown eyes. Snow saw her at the animal shelter when she was still awfully skinny and her fur a dirty mess. She had been abandoned by her former owners. I can see why he likes her.  


* * *

Later, I'm awoken by a loud crash and when Bunce comes over a few minutes later (She never had the decency to wait until noon before visiting) I'm standing over a broken vase, whilst Snow is off to get some cleaning supplies, that we still don't have in our new apartment.

“Was that the dog?” Bunce asks when she spots the mess.

“I _wish_ it was the dog,” I hiss between gritted teeth.

“Where is she?”  
“In the bedroom. This is not a safe environment for dogs, what were we thinking?”

Bunce sighs and pushes her glasses back on her nose.

“You know what you were thinking. Is it working?”  
I wrinkle my nose.

“We'll have to wait and see. He seems excited, to say the least.”  
“I'm back!” Snow announces in that moment and I greet him with my least annoyed smile.

“See, I found some dog treats as well,” he smiles and holds up the dog biscuits he bought a few months ago for himself without realizing it was meant for dogs, saying: “See, Baz, it's even got cute dogs on the package.”

“This is going to be a disaster,” I mutter under my breath.

“Be optimistic,” Bunce whispers back, “You're jinxing it.”  


* * *

As it turns out, the dog isn't much better than Snow. When I come back from work, I see Snow holding a shredded pillow. He looks at me guiltily and I simply raise my eyebrow in disapproval.

“This time it was her,” he remarks and points to the dog, who happily gnaws on a biscuit.

“And you gave her a treat for that?”  
I shake my head in amusement.

“At least now you know how I feel when I constantly have to clean up your messes.”  
“Stop being a tosser, I clean up my messes myself.”

I kneel down in front of the dog, reaching out my hand, but she flinches away before I can touch her. Surprised, I recoil to find her making a whining noise at me. It doesn't sound angry, just frightened.

“Baz,” Simon mutters. “Maybe she's just afraid of strangers.”  
“She doesn't appear to be afraid of _you_.”

“Well, perhaps she'll just -”  
“Whatever, Snow. Your dog's a mess anyway.”  
Of course I'm lying.

“I thought she was _our_ dog, Ba-”

I'm out the door before he can finish. He can probably tell that I'm mad, but he wouldn't understand. I know why she's frightened of me. Animals have instincts for this sort of thing.

I guess this settles it. There's nothing Snow can say against it any more. I really am a monster.  
  


* * *

It certainly is a disaster. When I get home from university every day, I find Snow and Scone playing, or making chaos, or something else, and then I'm the one who doesn't fit in. It's fifth year all over again. She won't come near me, whilst she gets along with Snow perfectly. So perfectly, in fact, that one day I come home to them sitting on the couch next to one another, and when they notice me, they simultaneously shift their heads. Snow has the same innocent, pleading gaze that she has. Looking at them like that, I've had it.

“This has to stop, Snow.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“This is an intervention, understood?”  
“What? Why?”  
“I can't tell whether I'm dating a human or a dog any more.”  
“Why would you think you were dating Scone?”  
“That's not what I was saying. I meant that you're behaving like a dog half the time.”  
“So?”  
“You were supposed to treat her like.... I don't know, your child. Not your brother. I hate to break this to you, but you are not a dog.”  
“Hey, don't take this out on me. I'm sorry she hasn't warmed up to you yet, but how could you expect her to when you're anything but warm? And I don't mean just temperature-wise.”  
“Great. You're siding with the dog. I get it.”  
And then I leave, so he doesn't realize he hit me in a vulnerable spot. Because he's right. If that damn dog can't like me, why would he? I can feel my hands growing colder. He must be a lunatic for staying with me. A vampire. A really unfriendly one, to that. And it's only a matter of time until he realizes that himself.

“Don't be stupid, Baz,” I tell myself. “Snow's not going to break up with you because of a dog.”

Suddenly, I feel a hand on my shoulder. _Snow._ Of course he would come after me.

“Baz?” he mumbles softly and takes my hand. I try to get my breathing under control.

“I'm sorry,” he whispers into my ear and I shudder.

“Look, google says that she might be avoiding you because you're stressed.”  
“You know that's not the reason.”  
“Is there something you're concerned about?”  
“I don't blame her, Snow. I don't like vampires either.”  
“You're not – Please, Baz. Just talk to me.”  
“Fine.”

I lower my gaze.  
“I'm concerned about _you_. And about how the dog hasn't helped.”  
“What?”  
“Penny and I thought if you took responsibility of a dog, you'd start taking responsibility of yourself, too. But you still haven't applied to any other universities. Or thought about the future. All you do all day is lay around, like some animal, instead of concentrating on what's ahead of you. And you've done that ever since your dropped out of Uni. You can't carry on like that.”  
“Hey, it's not yours or Penny's responsibility to take care of my life!”

“Well, somebody's got to do it.”

For a moment, Snow just growls at me, but then his expression softens.

“You're right, Baz. I'm just – too scared, you know? What if I don't get in? What if I'll be miserable again?”  
“Then I'll be there to help you,” I whisper and run my fingers through his hair. Suddenly, I feel something pushing against my leg. I look down and see Scone nudging my knee.

“Look,” Simon smiles. “She does like you.”  
I smirk and carefully tickle her under the chin.

Screw not being too soft. For our dog and Snow, I'll be the softest vampire in the universe.

 


End file.
